My World Cup runneth over

FIFA World Cup 2006 begins play this weekend.

Please attempt to restrain your excitement.



For the benefit of our foreign-born readers (and we have a few) who can't understand why soccer isn't as big a draw in the United States as it is in most other parts of the globe, we present herewith...

SwanShadow's Top Ten Reasons Why Americans Don't Care About Soccer (and Never Will):

1. It's hockey on grass, only without the sticks.
   
   
2. It's mostly played by guys whose names we can't pronounce.
   
   
3. We have a sport called "football," and soccer ain't it.
   
   
4. Too much running around without anything happening. If we want to see guys running, we'll wait for the Olympics and watch track and field.
   
   
5. The teams don't have cool nicknames.
   
   
6. In America, soccer is a kids' game. By the time we're out of junior high, we've outgrown it.
   
   
7. Short pants. Yes, they wear shorts in basketball, too, but at least that's played indoors.
   
   
8. Not enough violence. At least, not on the field.
   
   
9. If we needed an activity for brain-dead, drunken hooligans to slaver over, we already have NASCAR.
   
   
10. Two words: Soccer moms.