R.I.P., Vanilla Coke — it's now a Blak thing
Why is it that anytime a new consumer product debuts that I enjoy, the suits in charge dump it before I even know it's going away?
Case in point: Vanilla Coke.
Recently, the Coca-Cola Company announced that it was axing the greatest innovation in the modern history of soft drink technology, Vanilla Coke.
Never mind the fact that I loved Vanilla Coke and its calorie-conscious sibling, Diet Vanilla Coke.
Never mind that Vanilla Coke brought back memories of my adolescent youth, when I used to take girlfriends on dates to the Swensen's ice cream parlor in downtown Santa Rosa to quaff hand-mixed vanilla Cokes, long before the commercial product was a glimmer in the eye of some marketing genius in Atlanta. (The old Swensen's is long gone, its former habitat most recently occupied by an Internet café, but that's hardly the point, now, is it?)
Never mind that, in a world of superficially similar colas, accommodation had finally been made for us long-ignored fanciers of the skinny brown bean, who can't get a decent cream soda from the major bottling outfits to save our lives.
No, some chowderhead at Coke Central decided that my tastes don't matter, and pulled the plug on Vanilla Coke.
And now that I know why, I'm even more incensed.
Apparently, Vanilla Coke was cast onto the scrap heap of ill-fated consumer products past — alongside some noteworthy failures as Crystal Pepsi, Earring Magic Ken, and the Chevy Vega — to make room on store shelves for a coffee-flavored drink dubbed Coca-Cola Blak (sic).
Setting aside for a moment the fact that original Coca-Cola itself is, if not black, at least a respectably dark brown, does the American public really need another form of caffeine-concentrated beverage? For crying out loud, Coke people, haven't Starbucks and Jolt and Red Bull and Mrs. Olsen knows what else already saturated the potable stimulant market? Do people in this helter-skelter society need to be any more hopped-up than they already are? How many incidents of road rage and Wal-Mart Christmas shopping frenzy do we need before the carnage ends?
Oh, the humanity...!
By the way, what exactly is the name Coca-Cola Blak meant to imply? Is Coke trying to snatch a lion's share of the African American marketplace back from PepsiCo? Are going to see Billy Dee Williams hawking the new Coke variety on TV? "Coca-Cola Blak...don't let the smooth taste fool you."
And why in the name of J.C. Pemberton is the word "Blak" both misspelled, and saddled with an erroneous diacritical mark over the "A" that implies that the name should be pronounced "Coca-Cola Blake"?
Sigh.
I resign myself to going back to doctoring my own Cokes with vanilla syrup when I get the hankering.
Another defeat for the the common man.
Case in point: Vanilla Coke.
Recently, the Coca-Cola Company announced that it was axing the greatest innovation in the modern history of soft drink technology, Vanilla Coke.
Never mind the fact that I loved Vanilla Coke and its calorie-conscious sibling, Diet Vanilla Coke.
Never mind that Vanilla Coke brought back memories of my adolescent youth, when I used to take girlfriends on dates to the Swensen's ice cream parlor in downtown Santa Rosa to quaff hand-mixed vanilla Cokes, long before the commercial product was a glimmer in the eye of some marketing genius in Atlanta. (The old Swensen's is long gone, its former habitat most recently occupied by an Internet café, but that's hardly the point, now, is it?)
Never mind that, in a world of superficially similar colas, accommodation had finally been made for us long-ignored fanciers of the skinny brown bean, who can't get a decent cream soda from the major bottling outfits to save our lives.
No, some chowderhead at Coke Central decided that my tastes don't matter, and pulled the plug on Vanilla Coke.
And now that I know why, I'm even more incensed.
Apparently, Vanilla Coke was cast onto the scrap heap of ill-fated consumer products past — alongside some noteworthy failures as Crystal Pepsi, Earring Magic Ken, and the Chevy Vega — to make room on store shelves for a coffee-flavored drink dubbed Coca-Cola Blak (sic).
Setting aside for a moment the fact that original Coca-Cola itself is, if not black, at least a respectably dark brown, does the American public really need another form of caffeine-concentrated beverage? For crying out loud, Coke people, haven't Starbucks and Jolt and Red Bull and Mrs. Olsen knows what else already saturated the potable stimulant market? Do people in this helter-skelter society need to be any more hopped-up than they already are? How many incidents of road rage and Wal-Mart Christmas shopping frenzy do we need before the carnage ends?
Oh, the humanity...!
By the way, what exactly is the name Coca-Cola Blak meant to imply? Is Coke trying to snatch a lion's share of the African American marketplace back from PepsiCo? Are going to see Billy Dee Williams hawking the new Coke variety on TV? "Coca-Cola Blak...don't let the smooth taste fool you."
And why in the name of J.C. Pemberton is the word "Blak" both misspelled, and saddled with an erroneous diacritical mark over the "A" that implies that the name should be pronounced "Coca-Cola Blake"?
Sigh.
I resign myself to going back to doctoring my own Cokes with vanilla syrup when I get the hankering.
Another defeat for the the common man.
SwanShadow was randomly pounding the keyboard at 5:38 PM
2 insisted on sticking two cents in:
There's always Vanilla Pepsi sitting on store shelves waiting to be 'discovered'! No additives needed... But oh yea, Swan Shadow is a Coke fan... sorry.
Pepsi Vanilla is not good. Vanilla Coke is my favorite soda too! I am interested in trying Coke Blak, but I miss the Vanilla.
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