I'm too sexy for my People

Every year, it happens.

Once again, I was passed up for the title of People Magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive."

I feel so disrespected.

Matthew McConaughey won. What's sexy about Matthew McConaughey? Greasy hair, five o'clock shadow, and a last name with so many unnecessary letters that no one can either spell or pronounce it? I'm not seeing it.



I'm always suspicious about the whole "Sexiest Man Alive" business anyway. Matthew McConaughey was alive last year at this time, if I recall correctly. Why didn't he win then? How did he miraculously increase his sexiness by a quantum leap during the last twelve months? Enzyte, maybe?

And what about poor Jude Law, whom People tabbed as "Sexiest Man Alive" last year? What, is he suddenly not that hot any more? His nanny thought he had it goin' on, didn't she?

The same query could be proffered about any of the previous Sexiest Men Alive. (Well, except for 1988 honoree John F. Kennedy, Jr., who no longer qualifies for the title. At least, not the "Alive" part. He still might be sexy in that sort of Jim Morrison-dead guy fashion.)

For instance, Brad Pitt won the SMA twice — in 1995 and 2000 — but apparently was lacking a little je ne sais quoi this time around. Hey, if Angelina Jolie thinks he's sexier than Billy Bob Thornton...

Forget I said that.

As for me, I guess I'll just have to wait until next year for my turn in the spotlight. Maybe I'll e-mail that McConaughey guy and see if I can pick up some pointers.

That, or it's back to the Enzyte.