Potter-free blogging

I am here to announce with pride that I did not run to my local bookstore this weekend to purchase a copy of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

In fact, although my 16-year-old daughter has read every book in the series, I have never inserted my nose between the covers of any volume in the Harry Potter oeuvre. I've only sat through one of the films (Chamber of Secrets) from beginning to end, even though all of the DVDs released to date occupy space on my DVD rack. Sorry, just not interested in the whole Potter thing.

In the interest of hail-fellow-well-met among writers, however, I would like to offer J.K. Rowling my suggestions for the title of the seventh and final Harry book. Seeing as I'm not contributing my fair share to the author's coffers, it's the least I can do.

• Harry Potter and the Vermicious Knids
  
• Harry Potter and the Godfather of Soul
  
• Harry Potter and the Bikini Machine
  
• Harry Potter and the Tossed Salad Man
  
• Harry Potter and the Mothership Connection
  
• Harry Potter and the Lacy Undergarments
  
• Harry Potter and the Red-Headed Step-Child
  
• Harry Potter and the Search for More Money
  
• Harry Potter and the Embarrassing Odor
  
• Harry Potter and the Cure for Hogwarts
  
• Harry Potter and the Infinity Gauntlet
  
• Harry Potter and the Inappropriately Friendly Next-Door Neighbor
  
• Harry Potter and the Way to San Jose
  
• Harry Potter and the Night of the Lepus

and finally...

• Harry Potter and the Empty Wallet

Any of these, I'm convinced, would be a surefire best-seller.