Can I get Danish with that?

I don't care what title he won. I don't want Troels Overdal Poulsen anywhere near my vanilla latte.

Poulsen, a coffeeslinger from Copenhagen, today hauled in the World Barista Championship in (where else?) Seattle. Poulsen's winning potion, dubbed "ESB (Enhanced Sensory Balance)," contained espresso, lavender, and (get this) pepper.

Now, I love pepper as much as anyone — in restaurants, I routinely remove the top of the pepper shaker and pour straight from the cylinder because the shaker holes never allow enough to pass through — and my affinity for a good cup o' joe is the stuff of legend. But don't be mixing the two, bub. My precaffeine self doesn't need that kind of shock first thing in the morning.

It's bad enough when I try to mix the dregs of a can of Don Francisco Vanilla Nut with the start of a can of old Don's Butterscotch Toffee in the same filter...feh! (Even if that sounds to you as though it might turn out well, it doesn't. Trust me on this. The resulting brew tastes like toxic sludge.)

By the way...do we really need a World Barista Championship? Next thing you know, we'll be having a Jeopardy! Ultimate Tournament of...oh, never mind.